Call me out from where I am

I found this in my blog drafts and knew it was time to post it
This was written a year ago

Went to see Where The Wild Things Are for the second time the other day.
For some reason this movie connects me with the heart of God.
I felt the Lord say to me "You need me more than I need you, but I want you more than you want Me."

I am hunger for a move of God.
I am starving!!
I want to see God's spirit be poured out on all flesh. Family, friends, neighbors, co-worker, YOU.
I want to experience God EVERYDAY!

What did I do in 2009?
What will I do in 2010?

Working New Years Eve, speaking with my co-worker about New Years celebrations. A customer joined the conversation and confessed that she just goes along with the same rituals every year. My co-worker lifted her arm and screamed "ONWARD!"
You see the customer was a bit confused, but something stirred in my co-worker in that moment. She is a wife and mother sick of the mundane, sick of living in a ritual. Passion rose in her, a passion to move onward toward newness, success, to move onward toward a new life. This year for her is about moving onward toward the life she craves.

I am craving God. In my relationship with the Lord I scream, "ONWARD!"



Learning about revivals in the early 1900s. The mark of revival historically speaking is a profound awareness of the presence of God, resulting in a deep brokeness about sin and genuine repentence. With revival something shifts in the spiritual atmosphere.

I feel as if my mind will explode.
I am craving the presence of God in my life.



I wrote this today before I read my blog draft, its funny how a year later a find myself in the same place.



I do not believe I have been as hungry for a move of God in my life as I am today. Nothing bad has happen today, nothing extremely good has happen, nothing out of the ordinary to make me feel as burden as I am in this moment.

I want change.
I want revival.
I want to see Him do what He has promised.
I want to be obedient to see dead things come to life in my life.
I want Him, and Him alone.

I am pushing through. I will not give up. I want change and I want change to start today.

I am sitting in my room, a clean room, that is a change.
I am starved for the Lord, a feeling I haven’t felt in some time.

I may not believe in myself but I believe in Him. I believe that He does not see me as a waste.
I believe He loves me, I believe I can conquer anything with His love. He is my shield and strength.
I believe He created me for something, although I may not know what that something is, I know Him, and He can do anything.

I am expecting.

I hear Him, faint as it may sound calling me out from where I am. He is calling me to a deeper place, a place nearer to Him.

I had lunch with a friend the other day. He was talking about the difference in the way we treat our needs verses our wants. It convicted me beyond belief. Little did he know the Lord had been speaking to me recently on that exact thing. He was saying how we treat the things we want with such care and concern and the things we need with little concern. In my life I treat God as a need, I know He will be there tomorrow, I know my relationship with Him is a bit rocky at times, but I know He has immense love for me so He will forgive me. Horrible I know.
Last Sunday I was in church, singing songs that would move anyone. I was not move at all. The Spirit moved in the service, people are crying, a man recommitted his life to the Lord, testimonies were being shared, yet there I sat unmoved. I drove home with a friend, he kept saying over and over with tears in his eyes, "God is so compassionate. He is just so kind," I felt nothing.
I went home and tried praying, still felt nothing, I cried on my floor, apologizing to the Lord. I felt He was so distant with me.
I went to coffee with my friend Christine. I told her of the experience. She said she believed I grieved the Holy Spirit, heavy words, convicting words. There are so many times the Holy Spirit calls me to a deeper place, and I brush it off. I know it is a need by it may not be a want in the moment.

I want to want God. I want to treat Him as a want. Something I know I need but adore Him as a want.
I am taking a break from things that I want, in hopes that whenever I desire those things I will be reminded of my real (need) desire for the Lord.

I am going back to what the Lord said to me a year ago, "You need me more than I need you, but I want you more than you want Me."
This statement will be true until the day I die, God will always want me more, and I will always need Him more, but I am going to show Him that everyday I will want Him more than I did the day before. I want Him.