I spoke to the moon this morning in the hope he would speak back

I wondered if he waited for me to see him

Lingering over my house giving me light to walk

It’s early and I am questioning my own path.

The path is illuminated to start this day.

I walked outside this afternoon he was still out there

It was as if he was competing with the sun.

There they sat across from each other.

The sun rose, the moon was unwilling to set.

What is he waiting for?

Was he waiting for me to see him?

I looked up and greeted him. When I returned he had set.

Just

Just, what a candle -snuffing word

"Just a dog? Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's just a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, "He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man", or "That's not a diamond, it's just a rock." Just."




I am not "just" Amberly
I don't "just" live in Lakeland
I am not "just" a barista
There is no "just" about me.
God did not create me to "just" exist.

Sir, I thought I had you down
I speak of your occurrences as if I understand your motives

You come for conversation, sometimes maybe for fright
You ask for a deal, a simple shaking of the hand
but at times resign with a shaking of the head

I would love to listen in on the conversations,
What do you promise them, to make them agree to follow you into that moonless sky?

I dreamt of you as a child. I feared you introduced yourself to my mom. I wondered when she would sign that dotted line.

Sir, I thought I had you down
until tonight

This time the deal appeared unfulfilled
You crossed into unmarked territory, the land went unwatched.

You stole the crops, and left the field without an apology.

I forgave you once in the past, once multiply that by five

This time I didn't understand

Please slow down this time you struck too soon.
This time you stuck too soon.

Feel good moment of the day

Today needed a feel good moment. I have learned a lot about love from this baby. He is the happiest and most content baby I have ever met, and I love him more and more everyday.

He crawls now, you can see in the video how victorious he feels in the fact that he can get places by himself.

Home is wherever I'm with you.

Home, yes home. Home is wherever I'm with you.

I feel so much is changing so fast. My last entry I was looking around the corner for change, and here I am now looking at the street I peaked around at and wondering what to do next.

I am sitting on Steph's computer, trying to blog to figure things out.

I have worked so hard trying to build a home, someplace I can lay my head down at night, and sigh a sigh of relief and say "mmm, home." I have felt that feeling for the last three years. I have lived somewhere I felt called to and slept somewhere I felt comfortable.

The other night someone was speaking on the Holy Spirit and His role as our comforter. "The Holy Spirit cannot comfort someone who is comfortable," hit my heart fast. i realized the last three years I haven't been exactly following the leading of the Holy Spirit, but actually following the leading of my desire to be comfortable.

The Lord continually speaks to me through music. I was washing my car the other day, thinking on the Lord and what His plans were for me. I started singing, "If you can use anything Lord, you can use me." I continued to sing that for the next week. That song soon transitioned into Johnny Cash's version of Hurt, "you can have it all, my empire of dirt."
Here I am asking the Lord to use me, knowing He can use anything, hoping He can use me, even though all I have appears to be an empire of dirt.

I am about to walk into a season of being less comfortable. I would say a season of being uncomfortable, but I fear that is too negative. Honestly I am excited though, for in this season I will draw nearer to the Comforter. I am giving it all to Him, believing He will use me. I am reminded of the last season where I felt I was walking into uncharted ground, that was a season I named as my honeymoon with the Lord. My time in the season was so sweet and intimate. Maybe these next few months will be a second honeymoon, and in that case I am thrilled.

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros, probably not a band I should admit spoke to me but here I go. I was talking to the Lord about my fears and I felt Him remind me, my home is not in Ft. Lauderdale, Los Angeles, or Lakeland, my home is in Him. No matter where I live or I love with I will always be home because I am with the Lord and in His will. It comforted me beyond words. I am nervous yet thrilled for these next few lessons and stories.

"Home is wherever I'm with you
oh home, yes, I'm home
Home is when I'm alone with you"

Call me out from where I am

I found this in my blog drafts and knew it was time to post it
This was written a year ago

Went to see Where The Wild Things Are for the second time the other day.
For some reason this movie connects me with the heart of God.
I felt the Lord say to me "You need me more than I need you, but I want you more than you want Me."

I am hunger for a move of God.
I am starving!!
I want to see God's spirit be poured out on all flesh. Family, friends, neighbors, co-worker, YOU.
I want to experience God EVERYDAY!

What did I do in 2009?
What will I do in 2010?

Working New Years Eve, speaking with my co-worker about New Years celebrations. A customer joined the conversation and confessed that she just goes along with the same rituals every year. My co-worker lifted her arm and screamed "ONWARD!"
You see the customer was a bit confused, but something stirred in my co-worker in that moment. She is a wife and mother sick of the mundane, sick of living in a ritual. Passion rose in her, a passion to move onward toward newness, success, to move onward toward a new life. This year for her is about moving onward toward the life she craves.

I am craving God. In my relationship with the Lord I scream, "ONWARD!"



Learning about revivals in the early 1900s. The mark of revival historically speaking is a profound awareness of the presence of God, resulting in a deep brokeness about sin and genuine repentence. With revival something shifts in the spiritual atmosphere.

I feel as if my mind will explode.
I am craving the presence of God in my life.



I wrote this today before I read my blog draft, its funny how a year later a find myself in the same place.



I do not believe I have been as hungry for a move of God in my life as I am today. Nothing bad has happen today, nothing extremely good has happen, nothing out of the ordinary to make me feel as burden as I am in this moment.

I want change.
I want revival.
I want to see Him do what He has promised.
I want to be obedient to see dead things come to life in my life.
I want Him, and Him alone.

I am pushing through. I will not give up. I want change and I want change to start today.

I am sitting in my room, a clean room, that is a change.
I am starved for the Lord, a feeling I haven’t felt in some time.

I may not believe in myself but I believe in Him. I believe that He does not see me as a waste.
I believe He loves me, I believe I can conquer anything with His love. He is my shield and strength.
I believe He created me for something, although I may not know what that something is, I know Him, and He can do anything.

I am expecting.

I hear Him, faint as it may sound calling me out from where I am. He is calling me to a deeper place, a place nearer to Him.

I had lunch with a friend the other day. He was talking about the difference in the way we treat our needs verses our wants. It convicted me beyond belief. Little did he know the Lord had been speaking to me recently on that exact thing. He was saying how we treat the things we want with such care and concern and the things we need with little concern. In my life I treat God as a need, I know He will be there tomorrow, I know my relationship with Him is a bit rocky at times, but I know He has immense love for me so He will forgive me. Horrible I know.
Last Sunday I was in church, singing songs that would move anyone. I was not move at all. The Spirit moved in the service, people are crying, a man recommitted his life to the Lord, testimonies were being shared, yet there I sat unmoved. I drove home with a friend, he kept saying over and over with tears in his eyes, "God is so compassionate. He is just so kind," I felt nothing.
I went home and tried praying, still felt nothing, I cried on my floor, apologizing to the Lord. I felt He was so distant with me.
I went to coffee with my friend Christine. I told her of the experience. She said she believed I grieved the Holy Spirit, heavy words, convicting words. There are so many times the Holy Spirit calls me to a deeper place, and I brush it off. I know it is a need by it may not be a want in the moment.

I want to want God. I want to treat Him as a want. Something I know I need but adore Him as a want.
I am taking a break from things that I want, in hopes that whenever I desire those things I will be reminded of my real (need) desire for the Lord.

I am going back to what the Lord said to me a year ago, "You need me more than I need you, but I want you more than you want Me."
This statement will be true until the day I die, God will always want me more, and I will always need Him more, but I am going to show Him that everyday I will want Him more than I did the day before. I want Him.

Death and Revival

My Bridegroom
I love You

Im ready
Dressed in white
Looking toward you
Seeing my Lord's sacrifice
He loves me purely
He rejoices over me

Dressed in white
I walk toward you
Ashamed of who I am
I fall down to me knees
Weeping
You come to where I am
You are the one who put this white dress on me
I know I am not deserving

He knows all my fears
He wipes away all my tears

I come to the end of the aisle
I look up in your eyes
I can now see the pure sacrifice
Face to face I stand
With the man who paid the price
That I may now stand blameless
Because the Almightly
My Bridegroom call me His own
Hes not ashamed of me
He rejoices over me
Hes proud of me
He loves me purely
Pure love from a pure man is mine